Oops-Proof Your Writing with Style

1. How and where is it appropriate to use an exclamation point?

2. What is the plural of stadium?

3. Explain the difference between flaunt and flout.

4. Define "basis point."

5. Is pantyhose one word or two?

You could Google these questions and get answers pretty quickly, once you sort through all the detritus that Google has no choice but to display. With enough scrolling and double-checking, you could, eventually, get all of these answers right.

Or you could use The AP Stylebook and Libel Manual.

You would not only get the correct answers a helluva lot quicker, you would also be assured that the answers are definitive. That's because the AP Stylebook is a constantly updated "work in progress," representing a couple of centuries of work by the worlds' finest journalists and editors.

Solutions to tricky punctuation situations, definitions of financial terminology, when to write 16 and when to write sixteen, and hundreds of other things you might have learned if you were paying attention in school are in this book. I use the thing every day because although I did pay attention now and then, I've forgotten most of it.

If you want to write well, get yourself a copy of this indispensable reference. Or get a subscription to the online edition. It's more valuable than a dictionary, thesaurus, or book of quotations.

Some prefer the Chicago Manual of Style and that's OK. Get one or the other and you will never have doubts about capitalization, ellipsis, time zones, or weather terms again.

You'll save yourself a lot of time, write more accurately, and save your editor – and your readers – a lot of grief. (Plus, with the AP Stylebook, you'll also learn how NOT to libel people.)

Tooning in on The Classics

The other day, my butcher noticed the embroidered Daffy Duck on my shirt and remarked that while he always loved Daffy, he didn’t watch cartoons much these days. I assume he attributed this to the fact that he is now a grown-up. So far, I have avoided that fate.

I watch cartoons whenever I get a chance. The Simpsons, of course, and Spongebob now and then, but my real passion has always been Looney Tunes. These true classics are unequalled in terms of superior artistry, action, humor, writing, and supreme silliness. Tex Avery, Bob Clampett, Chuck Jones, and Friz Freleng are my heroes and major influences.

The true heir to these folks is, clearly, John Kricfalusi (John K), best known as the creator of Ren & Stimpy. Much as the denizens of Termite Terrace did in the 30s and 40s, John K fully inhabits his characters with outsize personalities and attitudes, illustrating their feelings with ridiculously exaggerated and elongated facial expressions. He has even been able to get past (or ignore) the censors with plenty of good old potty humor, nudity, sex, and misanthropy, especially with the recent Ren & Simpy revival on SpikeTV.

If you are similarly afflicted, you will flat out love John K’s blog, all kinds of stuff blog where he goes into fascinating detail on how he and others create cartoons, illustrating his points with scripts, sketches, notes, great still shots and clips not only from his own stuff, but also such classic cartoon sources as Looney Toons, Popeye, and Woody Woodpecker, and “live action” gems such as Soupy Sales, the Three Stooges, and the Honeymooners.

The reason I love cartoon is the way they communicate emotions, illuminate characters, and most especially tell stories in a funny, yet artful way. Thanks to my nephew Erik, I now have a set of classic Looney Tunes DVDs. Here’s hoping he also hook up his favorite uncle with some Ren & Stimpy and Spumko goodies.

About Those Instant Tax Refunds

BusinessWeek’s recent cover story about how corporate America is milking the poor, The Poverty Business, touched a nerve. I’ve long been disgusted by such scams as payday loans and check cashing “services” which prey on the working poor. The article points out that:

“In recent years, a range of businesses have made financing more readily available to even the riskiest of borrowers. Greater access to credit has put cars, computers, credit cards, and even homes within reach for many more of the working poor. But this remaking of the marketplace for low-income consumers has a dark side: Innovative and zealous firms have lured unsophisticated shoppers by the hundreds of thousands into a thicket of debt from which many never emerge.”

My outrage at this unconscionable exploitation carries with it the shock of recognition. For the past two tax seasons, I’ve been employed by a local branch of a national tax preparation company. (Not that one, the other one.) It’s a temporary job, only during the “peak” season. That’s the time near the end of January through early February when those who expect a large refund get their W-2s.

Many of those people are among the working poor. They use their Federal withholding as a savings account, and are so eager to get their hands on their refund, they are willing to forgo a large percentage in order to get it right away.

Let’s set aside the fact that the U.S. government holds their money throughout the year on an interest free basis. These folks generally do not have bank accounts. If they did not pad their withholding, they’d end up owing the IRS and have no way of paying their tax bill.

During the “peak” tax season, the working poor show up at the tax preparation office with their W-2s and pay through the nose -- not to get their returns completed, which is a standard fee based on the complexity of the return – but they pay huge amounts of interest in order to get their money ASAP. They could use any number of free tax preparation services available for low income people, but are either unaware such places exist, or, more likely, far too eager to get their refunds.

Time after time, I would go through the options with such clients, pointing out that by filing electronically and paying just the preparation fee, they could expect to get all of their refund in as little as a week. That option was at the far left of the screen. As we traversed the options to the right, I would point out that while they could get their refund sooner (in a couple of days, by the next day, or even “instantly”), the bank would take more and more of their refund away from them.

I was astounded that the overwhelming majority of people wanted their refund immediately, whatever the cost.

I wanted to shout at them: “You have no money. You are literally throwing away hundreds of dollars that you really need. Are you crazy?”

But I said nothing. First, it was their choice, and since I invariably recommended the lowest cost option, I rationalized that I was off the hook, conscience-wise. Secondly, the very reason they had come into our office was the fact that they could get that refund right away. They wanted and needed the money right now.

So, we’re offering our customers a service, right?

I’m not so sure anymore.

Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of ...

I caught a Cadillac commercial the other night, and noticed their tagline is "Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit." (Note the serial comma and the omission of the rest of Thomas Jefferson's famous phrase.) It would appear that Cadillac's ad agency, Modernista! left out "of happiness" to make "the pursuit" more open. Maybe they don't believe that buying a Cadillac makes people happy.

It turns out that Cadillac's tagline was not only stolen from the Declaration of Independence, it wasn't even an original tagline for an automaker. Advertising Week's an adfreak.com blog notes that Honda used almost the same tagline a year earlier in the "relaunch" of the Civic.

"Almost," but not quite the same tagline. Honda's agency, RPA, did not use the serial comma. So, to stay to my principles, I'd have to lean towards buying a Cadillac.

Before doing so, I'll have to pursue considerably more cash. Which may will not make me happy, but could make my life a bit better.

In Praise of the Serial Comma

In Praise of the Serial Comma

I used to ghostwrite pieces for a CEO who obsessed about details, particularly with regard to punctuation. We had any number of discussions over the years about whether or not to use the serial comma. This is a comma that completes a series and appears before a preposition, as in: apples, peaches, pears, and plums.

Some people use the serial comma, and others argue it isn’t needed. To me, it’s crucial to readability and meaning.

Without that extra, final comma, one can't be completely certain what the writer meant. It's the difference between "7, 8, and 9" and "7, 8 and 9."

The clincher came when I happened to view a TV show about Thomas Jefferson, which featured a close-up of the passage: “life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness” in Jefferson’s own hand:

There was the serial comma, right where it is supposed to be.

So, I proudly presented this new piece of evidence to the CEO who, finally acquiesced. I was right and he was wrong. You might assume that henceforth the serial comma was used in all future communiqués from the big guy. You would be wrong.

He decided to continue NOT using the serial comma because, and I am not making this up, he was concerned that Wall Street would notice and become concerned about the inconsistency.

I'll never make it to the top of a corporation because I can't think that way.

The Dreaded "B" Word

We all love doing the creative stuff, but few of us are genuinely comfortable with the business side of being a professional copywriter, graphic designer, quilter, or cobbler.

For excellent advice about such thorny business issues as pricing strategy, prospecting for new business, tax issues, partnerships, dealing with employees, and managing clients, there is no better resource than Cam Foote's Creative Business.

At a minimum you should subscribe to the monthly pdf newsletter, which features articles on such subjects as understanding and using purchase orders, knowing how to protect intellectual property, conducting employee performance reviews, and dealing with conflicts of interest.

Most of the content in the newsletter, the book highlighted below, and the website seems geared more to graphic design, but virtually everything applies to any creative business, including (ahem) copywriting. There's also an advice section in which practical advice is given for specific situations.

I would be much better off financially if I had heeded a lot of the counsel provided by this resource. But, then I probably wouldn't be nearly as humble.

Would it KILL YOU to Use Spell Check?

I'm not talking to you, my perceptive and articulate reader. I'm talking about the rest of the world wherein poor spelling, abysmal grammar, and general sloppiness that appears to be the rule in today's discourse. There really is no excuse for misspellings in e-mail, blogs and web postings of any kind.

WORD has a built-in spell checker, as do many e-mail clients, and even blogging software. Use these tools, OK? You might also want to consider, looking up words in a dictionary, or, I don't know, PROOFREADING?

Every day I get e-mails from educated people who either can't or won't take the time to get it right. (And don't even get me started on folks who blithely say things like "mute point" and "overreaching objectives.")

Sloppy writing betrays contempt for both the reader and the writer.

And are minimum standards of grammar and punctuation too much to ask?

It's about clarity, proper speech, and good manners. Don't tell me these things are obsolete, because even if they are, I don't want to know.

I feel so much better now that I've got that off my chest.

The Great Poetry Auction

As soon as I actually find a rhyme for orange, I'm going to hold an on-line auction and invite all the world's poets to bid. It will be a blind auction, because if I tell you the word, I won't be able to make a nickel. A lot of details still have to be worked out.

Meanwhile, I will post musings about communications, especially marketing communications, which is my field.

Here's a quick bio:

Born 1951. BA in Sociology (the major with the fewest required courses). Brief journalism career, followed by many years in PR, advertising, and marketing. (Much less work, pays a lot better than journalism.) Married, divorced, married again this time for good. No kids. Two cats. Mortgage.

I get cranky about things like the serial comma -- see upcoming post -- failure to use spell check, poorly executed PowerPoint slides hows, low standards of quality, contempt for one's audience, and preaching when done by anyone besides myself. That's a start.

This blog will also highlight good things, including books worth reading, websites worth bookmarking, and other resources to help mitigate the various wrongs above.

Watch this space!